Reboot
Friends, I would like to thank you for your kind words.
Things hadn’t gone well for me in the past few months… or longer, depending which starting point you’ll choose…
I’ve changed, and not in a good sense. My self-confidence is shattered, as well as that know-it-all attitude you’ve all known (and maybe disliked me for it) is gone. Insecurity and low self-esteem are haunting me. I am not able to get rid of one major setback – that all of my opinions which I am formulating, are just plain stupid and irrelevant.
Still, this is not a bad thing. At least my foundations are now healthy. Healthier than ever. You see I have never really lost my complexes, just hidden them, up until they blew right up in my face… Have I managed to deal with them now?
Yes.
It is up to me what I’ll build on them now. Shame is the last remaining burden, and that it not something, that can be bypassed. It has to be dealt with. Sure, I do regret many of the lost chances (that may never happen again…), but I’ve finally learnt to accept myself.
As me.
It may be not a pleasant image, but it is… ME.
So please accompany me in this last, and final reboot, of the person known as Jan. I shall no longer be chasing illusions, but also not be content with a bare minimum. I only hope, that I will find someone who will be able to trust me, and will believe in me, but even if not – I will not give up.
To end this entry in a positive tone – King’s Speech is a excellent film. So moving, and so on the spot, by touching one’s struggle with one’s own limitations… I’m just wondering how Polish translators will massacre it. I’ve seen the trailer with Polish subtitles. The horror, the horror…
Sorry for mistakes, it had been a while since I’ve been using English.
送友人 — 李白