Habza.pl » Varia

Reboot

Jan Habza — Wed, 19 Jan 2011 13:48:46 +0000

Friends, I would like to thank you for your kind words.
Things hadn’t gone well for me in the past few months… or longer, depending which starting point you’ll choose…
I’ve changed, and not in a good sense. My self-confidence is shattered, as well as that know-it-all attitude you’ve all known (and maybe disliked me for it) is gone. Insecurity and low self-esteem are haunting me. I am not able to get rid of one major setback – that all of my opinions which I am formulating, are just plain stupid and irrelevant.
Still, this is not a bad thing. At least my foundations are now healthy. Healthier than ever. You see I have never really lost my complexes, just hidden them, up until they blew right up in my face… Have I managed to deal with them now?
Yes.
It is up to me what I’ll build on them now. Shame is the last remaining burden, and that it not something, that can be bypassed. It has to be dealt with. Sure, I do regret many of the lost chances (that may never happen again…), but I’ve finally learnt to accept myself.
As me.
It may be not a pleasant image, but it is… ME.
So please accompany me in this last, and final reboot, of the person known as Jan. I shall no longer be chasing illusions, but also not be content with a bare minimum. I only hope, that I will find someone who will be able to trust me, and will believe in me, but even if not – I will not give up.

To end this entry in a positive tone – King’s Speech is a excellent film. So moving, and so on the spot, by touching one’s struggle with one’s own limitations… I’m just wondering how Polish translators will massacre it. I’ve seen the trailer with Polish subtitles. The horror, the horror…

Sorry for mistakes, it had been a while since I’ve been using English.

Тучи – Михаил Лермонтов / Clouds – Mikhail Lermontov

Jan Habza — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 14:58:43 +0000

Entry in English
Тучи

Mikhail Yuryevich Lermontov

Тучки небесные, вечные странники!
Степью лазурною, цепью жемчужною
Мчитесь вы, будто как я же, изгнанники
С милого севера в сторону южную.
Кто же вас гонит: судьбы ли решение?
Зависть ли тайная? злоба ль открытая?
Или на вас тяготит преступление?
Или друзей клевета ядовитая?
Нет, вам наскучили нивы бесплодные…
Чужды вам страсти и чужды страдания;
Вечно холодные, вечно свободные,
Нет у вас родины, нет вам изгнания.

—
Clouds

Clouds in the skies above, heavenly wanderers,
Long strings of snowy pearls stretched over azure plains!
Exiles like I, you rush farther and farther on,
Leaving my dear North, go distances measureless.
What drives you southward? Is’t envy that covertly
Prods you or malice whose arrows strike openly?
Destiny is it? A crime hanging over you?
Or friendship’s honeyed but poisonous calumny?
No! O’er those barren wastes heedlessly journeying,
Passion you know not or anguish or punishment;
Feeling you lack, you are free – free eternally,
You have no homeland, for you there’s no banishment.

Translated by I.Zheleznova

送友人 – 李白 / Seeing a Friend Off – Li Bai

Jan Habza — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 12:10:41 +0000

Entry in English
送友人 — 李白

青　山　橫　北　郭
白　水　繞　東　城
此　地　一　為　別
孤　蓬　萬　里　征

浮　云　游　子　意
落　日　故　人　情
揮　手　自　茲　去
蕭　蕭　班　馬　鳴

—
Seeing a Friend Off – Li Bai

Green mountains range beyond the northen wall.
White water rushes round the eastern town.
Right here is where, alone and restless, he
Begins a journey of a thousand miles.

While travelers’ intents are fleeting clouds,
A friend’s affection is a setting sun.
He waves good-bye, and as he goes from here,
His dappled horse lets out a lonely neigh.

Translated by Stephen Carlson